i made it yoga class today without the trolley i was on running over any humans, animals, or other sundry inanimate objects.

i was really relaxed for a while afterwards, but now my arms just hurt.

launch radio is magnificent. especially the thursday and coheed & cambria fan stations. i listened to it for however long it took me to re-do this template, which was actually quite a while despite its simplicity. i highly recommend it.

i know i had a point to make...

i feel like today was all about resolutions, well, except for me. my brother's schedule is mostly fixed, meghan is mostly fixed, etc. i haven't moved since this weekend, though. so.

i remember what i wanted to write about now.

i ordered three non-fiction books about heroin a couple of days ago, and they were here when i got home from meghan's. i was reading a short story that was indirectly about heroin and felt the crushing need to get out of bed at 3 am and spend $48 on said books. i guess i want to know as much as i can about it. it doesn't seem to be stepping out of my life anytime soon... in the game of seven degrees of heroin, kristin only has only to count up to 1 - never more than 2 - to find she is somehow connected to it in any given direction. hence the books. again, know your enemy.

so, yeah, i'd just like to point out now that i'm a pussy. i have the books in my lap, i read the backs of all of them, i turn one over... and don't even make it past the cover before i feel myself starting to choke up. take it slow. take it slow. later, i manage to get to the table of contents and i see a chapter about lovers - those who use and have a non-using partner or vice versa. that proved to be too much, so i shoved all the books under the bed and went to sleep.

will.

w i l l .

FUCK

i went back and read all of the entries from this about will. i. am a blind idiot. i read all of the shit i wrote, and, god, i want to beat the living fuck out of myself for letting all of that happen.

i'm still in love with him, unfortunately, so i can't say i'd take it back. i can't say i wouldn't take him back.

but at least i realise what a flaming douchebag he was now.

i miss him.

ok, that's enough of that.

sometimes i feel like writing in here is pointless and i'm going to end up being humiliated by it in a few years. but, uh, whatever. i like to talk.

you're all so rad.