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i don't know where to start.

saturday nite, stayed over jeff's. a bunch of people from work came over, we smoked a few bowls and then i went to sleep. jeff and dina had to go to work at 4 the next day, so i was by myself for a little while. smoked a bowl and went to work to meet joanna and chris.

mike - my old manager - picked the three of us up and we went to ario's house on temple's campus [really bad neighborhood, p.s. by the way]. ario was having a barbecue and invited everyone from work. sat around, played asshole for a little while.

after that, chris and i bought some weed and rolled two or three blunts. smoked them... now i'm drunk and high. keep that in the back of your mind.

after we smoke, mike asks joanna and i if we want to go stop by this other party for a little while. we said ok, we get in the car and drive over to this other place. we get there and i see mike talking to his boy, josh. ten minutes later, josh asks me if i want some E. of course i do, so mike bought one for me and him and joanna bought one, too. they were tiny white globe doublestacks, so i chewed it up so it would hit faster and just waited.

i should just know to stay away from doublestacks, since they always get me in trouble, but of course, i don't have any self control.

anyway. so, half and hour later, i'm wide-eyed and touchy-feely, and mike and joanna aren't too far behind. mike, josh, joanna and i all get back in the car and drive back to ario's.

by this point, i'm burning up, chewing gum, and screaming for people to touch me. it was the absolute best peak i've ever had in my life. mike was sitting with me, and he was peaking really hard, too.

jona was so great. she wasn't rolling, but she knew exactly what to do. she was the best person to be around while i was rolling. she would talk to me and play with me and every time she would leave for a sec, i'd freak out. i couldn't be away from her.

the bad thing about E and i is that whenever i have a beautiful peak like that, i crash so, so, so horribly.

around 2, i start to get weird. mike's touching me, kissing me, which is all ok, because we're rolling and it feels good. but all of a sudden i start to feel really sick whenever someone touches me, so i run upstairs and throw up. i knew i was starting to come down, because that's usually the reaction i get.

i came back downstairs and sat in the corner in a stupor just trying to ride it out. it was the most horrible come down i've ever experienced. i really thought i was going to shoot myself in the face. i couldn't even talk. and everyone kept trying to talk to me and touch me and i just wanted to puke on everyone there. so, i found jona and she sat with me and walked me through it for like two hours until i could talk again.

she's so rad.

we finally get a ride to south philly and i caught a cab back to my house. got home around 5 in the morning, feeling better.

the minute i laid down, though, i felt really shitty again and started to cry because i just wanted it to be over. finally fell asleep and woke up around 2 with an upset stomach, an achy jaw, a sore back, and a headache that feels like someone is boring holes in my brain. needless to say, those pills were cut with something harsh, because i've never felt this shitty after rolling. it's a shame you can't really find pure MDMA anymore, or as easily as you used to be able to find it.

i think it would be funny if i took a drug test right now. opiates, MDMA, marijuana and probably some other shit [from the E]. hahaha... smithkline would love me.

so, i'm just sitting here trying to decide what to do. i'm trying not to think too much about last nite, just because you know how it is that day after you roll. shitty. and i don't want to beat myself up for it just yet. i'll wait until tomorrow.

ah, what the fuck ever. reality sucks. will would be proud. fucker.

ya know what though, it was all worth it because that peak was the most beautiful experience that i've had in a while. i think my problem was that it wasn't a really good environment to be rolling in. it was loud and crazy and some people there obviously don't know what it's like to roll and were really bugging me out. maybe next time will be better.

maybe i'll just lie down and wait for the inevitable phone calls and IMs and guestbook entries of people chastising me for being out of control. it shouldn't take too long. go ahead, i deserve it...