hello hello.

haven't written in a few days, mostly because i was putting off talking about the election until i cooled off about it.

which i haven't.

needless to say, i'm heartbroken. absolutely heartbroken and very much let down by this country. i really thought we had it together this time, but... once again, america has failed me. america has failed itself. we don't have the right to be apalled and hurt when other countries ridicule us, because, frankly, we put ourselves in the position to be mocked. it's our own fault.

i really do hate to say this, but... i'm no longer proud to be from this country. i'm not. i was never very patriotic, but i've now lost every ounce of pride in america. and you can say things like, "well, that's not right, because 10 soldiers died last week in order to give the iraqi people the right to vote." i'm very sorry that those people died, but i did not ask them to fight for me or anyone else. i did not tell them to go over there. i did not order them to die for other people.

the travesty that resides on capitol hill did. and i did not put them there. the conservative republicans did, and there is nothing i can do to stop them, because this god damned country is fucking teeming with rich white conservative SCARED republicans.

and that. is unfortunate.

here's to another four years of shit, america. congratulations on your excellent choice.

hillary 2008. word.

anyway.

on to lighter topics...

i paid rent today. i am now officially a tenant at 222. woo. now, i just have to tell my father. and move my shit in.

i also went to cosi [a different one than i worked at before] and asked for a job. actually, linh and jeff dragged me, but all the same. i might have an interview tomorrow. woo. i guess...

things with john are fabulous. we had a bit of a moment on saturday night at new wave... which was promptly interrupted by linh telling me that my phone was ringing. thank you, linh.

she's really beginning to irk me. i hate that she's beginning to irk me. must learn to be more tolerant.

anyway. i told john that i was really putting my money on this relationship. he smiled. later on, he asked me to draw his tattoo for him. i, of course, said that could be a bad idea. "what if we break up some day and you end up hating me," i asked, "then you'll have me all over your body."

to which he replied, "...but i thought you were putting all your money on this."

i know. i know. squiiish.

it's nice.

i still can't quite believe that i have such an amazing boyfriend. i can't believe i have a boyfriend, period.

there was a moment back there when i thought, this is it - i can't ever love anyone like i loved will and i'm going to be alone forever. and then i did. i love john in a way that you think can't ever exist. because it's just that breath-taking, that heart-stopping, that beautiful. and how can something that beautiful exist in such a dull, grey, evil world? and why am i allowed to feel this amazing feeling when so many people are suffering?

what have i done to deserve something this unbelievable?

i don't want him to ever go away. and the best part is - i don't think he ever wants me to go away.

sometimes i think that it makes too much sense. that we are those people they make movies about - the ones that are supposed to be together, and keep near-missing each other in life and then finally meet each other at just the right time and they just fit together. because john and i work. it happened so quickly, it was so easy... we just kinda tripped over each other by accident and slipped in to this relationship like it was an old, comfortable sweater.

linh said i make him happy. she hasn't seen him like this.

i haven't seen me like this. it's a nice change.