all i wanted was for will to walk through those doors at work tonite. i didn't care if he was high or not. i just wanted to see him that badly. i was so tired, since he crawled into bed with me this morning around 9:30 and i couldn't fall back asleep. it's hard for both of us, because he doesn't want a relationship, but i do. and he's so upset about it - some friends at work told me he came in and was asking if i was ok, ok with the situation since he didn't want a relationship. so, i know he cares about me. and i obviously care deeply about him, which is why it's so wonderful but so heartbreaking to be around him.

i love the little things. like when we're laying in bed and he pushes himself into me because he knows i'm cold. or when i wake up in the middle of the nite and he's tucking the covers around me, because he knows he hogs them and doesn't want me to be cold. or when he brushes the hair out of my eyes. or lets me hold onto him when we're walking in the snow so i don't fall. i love the way he smells. how he's so vain about his hair, but will let me play with it. i love when he wakes up and has my hair, my cat's hair, and pink threads from my rug on him, but he leaves them there. i love when he calls me baby. and he waited for me today so patiently when i ran into a stray cat and had to play with it for a little while because she looked so cold.

of course, he can be vulgar, like every other guy i know. i read his palm last nite, and he was so freaked out because everything i said was true. i don't believe in divination, but apparently, the things i told him rang true. and it was hysterical because he was so turned on by it. now that i think about it, he gets turned on by the strangest things - like when i say something intelligent, or use complex words in our conversations, and all that other stuff.

i love his eccentricities.

and he knows how i feel. he knows everything that i'm feeling, because we're so honest with each other. this is the first time i've been this blatant with a guy. it feels good, even when he says things that i don't want to hear.

so, i was very tired and very weary and just wanted all of that to walk through the door and take me home.