i just had the best birthday of my life.

woke up at 1:30. homemade chocolate birthday cake for breakfast. and lunch. and for a snack. my brother waited on me hand and foot today, even let me beat him several times in mario kart. mom came home and made my favorite dinner [even though i didn't eat much since i was going out to dinner later] and she and my brother sang a lovely rendition of "happy birthday" as i wished that this year would be better than the last [cheesy counting crows reference, sorry].

wyatt, chris, and lia picked me up around 8. they gave me some really nice presents, i was so happy. then they took me to the irish pub for a great dinner.

afterwards, chris dropped off lia and wyatt. so it was just me and him. and the huge mothra-size butterflies in my belly. chris and i went to a diner for coffee and dessert and talked for a really long time about pretty much everything. i was nervous at first that we would run out of things to say and encounter the dreaded awkward silence, but all went well. i don't know. i just want to be with him so much. i thought my feelings for him were finally fading, since that's what i wanted them to do. but, of course, i quickly realised tonite that they weren't. every so often i would get these euphoric rushes where i would realise how happy i was to just be sitting there in some random diner drinking coffee with him and talking. he has so much to say, but i don't think many people really listen to what he's saying. i think i could be really happy with him. i guess that's my birthday wish, then. yeah. probably. definitely.

as he was driving me home, i wanted to tell him how he really made me happy today. i was thinking about how badly i wanted to kiss him. not in a ravaging take-me-as-you-want-me kind of way. but in a shy, winsome, this-is-how-things-begin kind of way. a "finally" kind of way. a long overdue exhalation. i didn't, of course, and i definitely didn't expect him to. so i gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek and went in my house. wondering if he would think about the nite at all as he was driving home.

i can be such a hopeless, sappy romantic. sorry 'bout that.

but all in all, it was one of the best birthdays ever. i just wish i could have seen gina, as her birthday is just three days prior to mine and she shares my belief that birthdays are very, very important.

thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, it definitely contributed to the great outcome of this day. and with that, i'm putting my newly twenty-year-old self to bed.

'nite.