hellooo...

so. where to start. my grandfather.

the viewing was really nice. long, but nice. gina and her mother came, which meant so much to me. i needed to see a friend, and i love her mom - always there to provide the comic relief.

they had a police and knights of columbus honor guard and my grandfather was promoted to a 4th degree knight, so they kept referring to him as sir knight anthony francis gallagher. very nice.

the funeral the next day was nice, as well. they had a flag draped over his coffin and they had a bagpiper playing when we entered and left the church. all 8 of my cousins and i brought up the gifts during the mass, which was really moving for me and my grandmother.

the burial was hell, but so, so beautiful. there was a police escort, with 4 cops on motorcycles escorting the hearse on all 4 sides. they springfield police had blocked off state road for us, which really moved me. when we got to the plot, there was an army honor guard on either side of the funeral party. they folded the flag and tucked in some bullet shells and gave it to my grandmother. then, there was a 21 gun salute, followed by a lone trumpeter playing "taps." that made us all cry. after that, we all put flowers on the casket. as we were walking away the bagpiper started to play "amazing grace," and as if that didn't upset us enough, he played "danny boy" after that. oh my god.

it really was beautiful, though, and i don't know anyone else who was more deserving of it than my grandfather.

we had a luncheon after the burial at the springfield country club. we all got drunk, as is the custom in an irish family. went to my uncle mike's afterward where half the family proceeded to smoke up outside by the pool.

so, now i'm just dealing with the pain od losing someone who was so amazing. he really had a beautiful soul. and i loved him so much.

i want to thank those of my friends who were there for me the past couple of days. gina, for being at the viewing. jackie for calling me and listening. meghan for IMing me the nite it happened. maryanne for the very sweet comment you left. and will was so good to me, too. thank you all for helping me through such a difficult experience, i appreciate it more than you know.

i was high all day today, though, so maybe i'm not dealing with it as well as i could be. when i say high, i mean i ganked several of my father's painkillers that i discovered and chewed them all day long. hydrocodone is good for running away. i know i fucked up, but i threw the rest of them away, so it's not a problem anymore. please just let it go, ok?

but today i had such a nice day with will. i picked him up from therapy down at 69th street. from there, we went to the bridge to see "van helsing," which was... just horrendous. what a fucking travesty of an amazing story. fucking waste of $15.

after that, we went to the diner for lunch. will had an interview at bertucci's at 5, which went well. he looked so damn good in his nice clothes. mmm. we visited his grandmother at the vesper club where she works when he was finished. it was the first time i met her, and she's such a doll. we walked around for a little while and ended up getting coffee and talking for a while at starbuck's. after that, we went to the barnes and nobles at rittenhouse square where i bought a book of sappho's poetry, and then we went and sat in the park for a while and talked.

sometimes he can be so wonderful to me. i mean, he's good to me all the time, but every now and then he can say or do something that makes me feel so special. we were talking about how i'm going to be an art teacher now, and what made me so sure that i wanted to do it was the past experiences i've had with art teachers in my life. they've always been such a source of support and motivation for me, and they opened so many doors, and most importantly, made me see how beautiful my life is through what i was doing with my own two hands. and i said to him, i want to do that for someone else - give them this gift of insight and passion that i have been given in life that not many people are lucky enough to see or have. i told him that i just want to mean something to someone. he then said, "but you do mean something. i'll never forget you... you've touched my life so deeply."

and it's that. that's why i love him.