i watched "piglet's big movie" yesterday with my brother, because we've both had an unnatural obsession with winnie the pooh since we were babies. i rented it just to watch a cute movie, but it made me really sad, actually. so, piglet, feeling very sad because his friends don't include him in everything they do and don't need him, left the 100 acre woods and went wandering around. he found he was helpful to strangers, and wanted only for his friends to need him sometimes and to appreciate everything that he does for them but never gets thanked or noticed for. it takes his friends a little while to notice that piglet's gone, but eventually they start looking for him. in the process of searching for piglet, they realise how important he is, that he gives so much of himself selflessly. and at the end, they get into a situation where they realise they really need him.

i know this is very infantile of me to project my own feelings onto a children's movie, but i can't ignore just how closely it mirrors the way i feel. i'm not pointing fingers, and i'm not blaming anyone. it's not all of my friends. it's just some of them. i will say, however, i can count the number of these people on more than one hand.

my mom always tells me that i have to stop expecting people to act the way that i do. as idealistic as the golden rule is, she's told me many times before that just because i give people everything i have to give, it doesn't mean they will return it. i can't expect people to love me as much as i love them, to need me as much as i need them, to do for me as much as i do for them, or i'll keep hurting. she's right, i know she is.

it's not like i'm going to treat people any worse or give any less, i just need to stop expecting reciprocation. that's all. i love my friends dearly, i really do. they're my whole world, i couldn't love them any more than i do. so, i'm going to try to stop being hurt and just go on loving them as much as i always have.

p.s. - my 20th birthday is in 13 days.